INDECISION

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU,
BUT WHAT IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

I'M NOT GOOD AT MAKING DECISIONS. 
I'M NOT SURE WHEN THIS STARTED. HAVE I ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS?
I WANT SOMEONE TO GUIDE ME. WHY DO I GIVE OTHER PEOPLE SO MUCH POWER?
I'M GOOD AT HELPING OTHERS MAKE DECISIONS. I'M GOOD AT GIVING ADVICE.
WHY AREN'T I GOOD AT CARING FOR MYSELF? PUTTING MYSELF FIRST?
I'M ALWAYS AFRAID THAT I'LL MAKE THE WRONG CHOICE FOR ME, OR WORSE, THAT MY CHOICE WILL MAKE ME LOOK BAD, SELFISH, OR PETTY, OR THAT SOMEONE ELSE WILL NOT APPROVE OR WILL BE HURT OR ANGRY BY MY CHOICE.

MY COMPANY WILL ALLOW ME TO WORK FROM HOME. BUT I'M STILL COMING IN BECAUSE I CAN'T MAKE THE DECISION TO SAY I WANT TO WORK FROM HOME. I KNOW THAT IT'S CLEAN IN MY OFFICE. THERE ARE ONLY THREE OF US IN MY ROOM AND THERE'S PLENTY OF SPACE BETWEEN US. WHILE THERE ARE TWO OR THREE OTHER EMPLOYEES THAT COME AND GO THEY ARE IN THE OTHER ROOMS. THE BATHROOM WE USE IS LOCKED BUT OTHER OFFICES HAVE KEYS. I USE PRECAUTIONS. I WASH MY HANDS A LOT. WE USE LYSOL AND SANITIZING WIPES. NO ONE AROUND ME HAS BEEN SICK. I THINK IT'S SAFE HERE. BUT IF I GET SICK, I'M ALL ALONE. MY FAMILY IS IN NEW ENGLAND. I'M SINGLE. NO KIDS. NO PETS. I'M ALREADY ALL ALONE. BUT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE THIS DECISION. 

I WANT TO GO BACK TO WRITING CUTE LITTLE STORIES AND PROSE FOR THIS BLOG. NOT WORRYING ABOUT A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I REALLY NEED. TO WRITE A CUTE LITTLE STORY. I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT I DECIDE.