Quiet

Quarantine Health

I'm talking to my friends during this "social distancing" period we are living in and I've noticed a couple of things that I think are worth mentioning.
 A daughter of a friend of mine, who is very active and lives in Los Angeles, where they have stay at home orders in place, told him that to combat the boredom, she has been working out a lot. She said she's going to come out of this "prison fit". I've also noticed on Facebook and Instagram lots of people doing all those work out videos and exercise classes that are free online right now. In my own neighborhood, people are outside walking, playing with their kids, riding bikes, and generally trying to keep themselves entertained as family units during time outdoors.
 But then, on the opposite end of the spectrum are the people that are stocking up on liquor and wine and just sitting on their couches from coffee time to cocktail time.
 I feel like I'm moving back and forth on the spectrum. It's been a few weeks of staying in after work and now, a few days of  staying home all day. It's weird, but I find I'm loosing my appetite. Until the sun goes down and then I'm antsy and looking for something to snack on.
So, I plan to be more active. I have the time off. I'm going to start riding my bike. I can do that six feet away from other people. I'm going to challenge myself to improve my body. I saw someone had put their bikini on the fridge door to remind them not to snack. #beachgoals I have a dress that I can't wear anymore. Maybe I'll hang it up in my living room. I'll print up some pictures of myself at a size that made me happy and stick them up all over the apartment. Because you know that we are going to have to squeeze a lot of this summer, making up for lost patio time, when this virus releases us from it's reign of terror.
I'm going to appreciate, love, honor, exercise, train, and care for this container I live in! It is the only one I have, after all!

The Driver - at the end

So, I just read those two pages I wrote that started a little story called The Driver. Unfortunately, it's over. The story just fell apart in my head. Sometimes, when the muse hits you have to stick with it until it's done, because if you put it down, you will not be able to pick it back up.

I've been going through a lot of change this year. Circumstantial and otherwise and I feel like maybe it's time to refocus on me. Get out of survival mode and get into thrive mode. Of course, there's this little flu bug that's going around that seems to overshadow even those good intentions.

We will stick it out together. I'll be back soon.

INDECISION

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU,
BUT WHAT IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

I'M NOT GOOD AT MAKING DECISIONS. 
I'M NOT SURE WHEN THIS STARTED. HAVE I ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS?
I WANT SOMEONE TO GUIDE ME. WHY DO I GIVE OTHER PEOPLE SO MUCH POWER?
I'M GOOD AT HELPING OTHERS MAKE DECISIONS. I'M GOOD AT GIVING ADVICE.
WHY AREN'T I GOOD AT CARING FOR MYSELF? PUTTING MYSELF FIRST?
I'M ALWAYS AFRAID THAT I'LL MAKE THE WRONG CHOICE FOR ME, OR WORSE, THAT MY CHOICE WILL MAKE ME LOOK BAD, SELFISH, OR PETTY, OR THAT SOMEONE ELSE WILL NOT APPROVE OR WILL BE HURT OR ANGRY BY MY CHOICE.

MY COMPANY WILL ALLOW ME TO WORK FROM HOME. BUT I'M STILL COMING IN BECAUSE I CAN'T MAKE THE DECISION TO SAY I WANT TO WORK FROM HOME. I KNOW THAT IT'S CLEAN IN MY OFFICE. THERE ARE ONLY THREE OF US IN MY ROOM AND THERE'S PLENTY OF SPACE BETWEEN US. WHILE THERE ARE TWO OR THREE OTHER EMPLOYEES THAT COME AND GO THEY ARE IN THE OTHER ROOMS. THE BATHROOM WE USE IS LOCKED BUT OTHER OFFICES HAVE KEYS. I USE PRECAUTIONS. I WASH MY HANDS A LOT. WE USE LYSOL AND SANITIZING WIPES. NO ONE AROUND ME HAS BEEN SICK. I THINK IT'S SAFE HERE. BUT IF I GET SICK, I'M ALL ALONE. MY FAMILY IS IN NEW ENGLAND. I'M SINGLE. NO KIDS. NO PETS. I'M ALREADY ALL ALONE. BUT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE THIS DECISION. 

I WANT TO GO BACK TO WRITING CUTE LITTLE STORIES AND PROSE FOR THIS BLOG. NOT WORRYING ABOUT A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I REALLY NEED. TO WRITE A CUTE LITTLE STORY. I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT I DECIDE.