Today I met my mailman.

Today I met my mailman. I live in an apartment complex. I haven't ever seen him while he was delivering the mail before, although I've seen the truck parked outside. Today, I had a piece of mail that was delivered to my mailbox that wasn't for me. I happened to see the mailman walking to the next building. I thought to myself, I'll save myself the trouble of going back upstairs and writing on the envelope, "not at this address", and later driving to a blue mailbox. We don't have a blue box in our neighborhood. So, I followed him. He appeared to be young as I followed him to the next set of mailboxes. He certainly was walking at a good pace. I caught up to him and after saying hello, I explained why I was handing him an envelope. He looked at the envelope and read the address. He said my last name and said, "oh, I try not to let this happen." I was impressed he had memorized the names at the mailboxes. This is a big neighborhood. We chatted for a few minutes. He was so nice. We talked about Covid 19 and making ends meet. He worked a second job as a dishwasher but the restaurant was closed. I told him what I did part time to make grocery money. As we were parting, I told him my first name and he told me his. We laughed about his name. Swan, the name of a bird. I jokingly called him George. As I walked away with a smile on my face, I was glad that I had met him. He was a nice young man.

That was a couple of days ago. Today, I wonder how he is feeling. I wonder if he was protesting. You see my friendly mailman, is a young black man, in an America that is suffering from unrest. I look forward to seeing Swan again, to making sure he knows that when I met him, I met him. I met a bright, young, hardworking American.  And I stand with him. #BlackLivesMatter

Exploring

I don't know about you, but I just adore the words explore, exploring, exploration. I'm a curious person. I like to get out there in the world and explore. Paths into the woods, dirt roads, famous attractions, not so famous attractions, parks, little towns, they all interest me. But exploring means so much more. I'm exploring myself right now. I'm trying new things. I'm looking for things that give me spark. I just entered three of my photos into an online photo contest. The theme was color. These are the three I entered.

The competition includes seasoned professionals as well as amateurs like me. But, I'm hopeful. Perhaps at least, I will get some feedback from the other photographers on the website.

It's this kind of exploration that I believe we should never stop. I have been untrue to myself for many years. I forgot how great it was to not only explore outside but to explore inside my personality and soul, also. Let's all of us, keep exploring!

Mid Life Crisis

I've been being a little more personal on this blog of late. I'm still going to keep sharing my little bits of prose and stories, but this blog is also advice.

I've been home for over a month now. I was previously going into the office as an essential employee, even though I could work from home. I had a cubicle and only one other employee was in the same room with me. We did have "strangers" coming in, but they stayed in the conference rooms or lobby. The only potential problem were the public bathrooms. But we navigated it with sanitizer wipes and Lysol spray.

But now, I'm home. I'm taking classes online, researching job opportunities, filling out applications, posting resumes, and hoping to find a new direction for myself.

I'm single, living alone, and at a career junction.

I've been working on myself. I've started another blog. (Sharlene Explores) I'd love to be more creative and use my skills and talents in a new career.

But how do you find that opportunity? And how do you jump at a chance? How do you prove that you can do something that you've never done before? It would be amazing if I could just be creative, write non-stop, take pictures, travel around and tell the world about my adventures, but I need income.

So, my plan for now is to take every rainy day and spend it teaching myself new skills. Udemy, Creative Live, and Linked In learning are my go to websites. And I'll keep up the job search for income. I'll do my gig work. I'll gather abundance in every way I can think of. And I will use every sunny day to explore and take those pictures and write up those adventures. Just because I'm alone right now, doesn't mean I should be lonely or sad. Sure, I would like to be out of this limbo, but maybe this has all happened at the exact right time for me. I have to be in control.

I'm the only one that can live my life. I have many good years left. It's time to live for me.
And you my readers, are the only ones that can live your lives. Remember that.

Okay, now I have Bon Jovi, "It's my life." running through my head!
https://youtu.be/vx2u5uUu3DE

Quiet

Quarantine Health

I'm talking to my friends during this "social distancing" period we are living in and I've noticed a couple of things that I think are worth mentioning.
 A daughter of a friend of mine, who is very active and lives in Los Angeles, where they have stay at home orders in place, told him that to combat the boredom, she has been working out a lot. She said she's going to come out of this "prison fit". I've also noticed on Facebook and Instagram lots of people doing all those work out videos and exercise classes that are free online right now. In my own neighborhood, people are outside walking, playing with their kids, riding bikes, and generally trying to keep themselves entertained as family units during time outdoors.
 But then, on the opposite end of the spectrum are the people that are stocking up on liquor and wine and just sitting on their couches from coffee time to cocktail time.
 I feel like I'm moving back and forth on the spectrum. It's been a few weeks of staying in after work and now, a few days of  staying home all day. It's weird, but I find I'm loosing my appetite. Until the sun goes down and then I'm antsy and looking for something to snack on.
So, I plan to be more active. I have the time off. I'm going to start riding my bike. I can do that six feet away from other people. I'm going to challenge myself to improve my body. I saw someone had put their bikini on the fridge door to remind them not to snack. #beachgoals I have a dress that I can't wear anymore. Maybe I'll hang it up in my living room. I'll print up some pictures of myself at a size that made me happy and stick them up all over the apartment. Because you know that we are going to have to squeeze a lot of this summer, making up for lost patio time, when this virus releases us from it's reign of terror.
I'm going to appreciate, love, honor, exercise, train, and care for this container I live in! It is the only one I have, after all!

The Driver - at the end

So, I just read those two pages I wrote that started a little story called The Driver. Unfortunately, it's over. The story just fell apart in my head. Sometimes, when the muse hits you have to stick with it until it's done, because if you put it down, you will not be able to pick it back up.

I've been going through a lot of change this year. Circumstantial and otherwise and I feel like maybe it's time to refocus on me. Get out of survival mode and get into thrive mode. Of course, there's this little flu bug that's going around that seems to overshadow even those good intentions.

We will stick it out together. I'll be back soon.

INDECISION

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU,
BUT WHAT IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

I'M NOT GOOD AT MAKING DECISIONS. 
I'M NOT SURE WHEN THIS STARTED. HAVE I ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS?
I WANT SOMEONE TO GUIDE ME. WHY DO I GIVE OTHER PEOPLE SO MUCH POWER?
I'M GOOD AT HELPING OTHERS MAKE DECISIONS. I'M GOOD AT GIVING ADVICE.
WHY AREN'T I GOOD AT CARING FOR MYSELF? PUTTING MYSELF FIRST?
I'M ALWAYS AFRAID THAT I'LL MAKE THE WRONG CHOICE FOR ME, OR WORSE, THAT MY CHOICE WILL MAKE ME LOOK BAD, SELFISH, OR PETTY, OR THAT SOMEONE ELSE WILL NOT APPROVE OR WILL BE HURT OR ANGRY BY MY CHOICE.

MY COMPANY WILL ALLOW ME TO WORK FROM HOME. BUT I'M STILL COMING IN BECAUSE I CAN'T MAKE THE DECISION TO SAY I WANT TO WORK FROM HOME. I KNOW THAT IT'S CLEAN IN MY OFFICE. THERE ARE ONLY THREE OF US IN MY ROOM AND THERE'S PLENTY OF SPACE BETWEEN US. WHILE THERE ARE TWO OR THREE OTHER EMPLOYEES THAT COME AND GO THEY ARE IN THE OTHER ROOMS. THE BATHROOM WE USE IS LOCKED BUT OTHER OFFICES HAVE KEYS. I USE PRECAUTIONS. I WASH MY HANDS A LOT. WE USE LYSOL AND SANITIZING WIPES. NO ONE AROUND ME HAS BEEN SICK. I THINK IT'S SAFE HERE. BUT IF I GET SICK, I'M ALL ALONE. MY FAMILY IS IN NEW ENGLAND. I'M SINGLE. NO KIDS. NO PETS. I'M ALREADY ALL ALONE. BUT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE THIS DECISION. 

I WANT TO GO BACK TO WRITING CUTE LITTLE STORIES AND PROSE FOR THIS BLOG. NOT WORRYING ABOUT A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I REALLY NEED. TO WRITE A CUTE LITTLE STORY. I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHAT I DECIDE.